I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
