dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
