im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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