My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
