he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
