dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
