I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
