you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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