I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
