lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
4 words: hood of his car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
