every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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