I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
