I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
