i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
