he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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