All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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