Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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