I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
