he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
