I look better un-naked...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
