I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
