We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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