Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
