While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
