I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
