Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
