ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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