$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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