Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
