I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
