My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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