Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
