He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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