if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't deserve a penis
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
