So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
