can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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