He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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