go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
