I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
