We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
