When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize