giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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