Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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