I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there's paper in my vomit.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish you could order shots online.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
