he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
