Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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