he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
