You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's blow job season.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
and you fell through a lawn chair
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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