Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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