I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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