Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
