forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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