just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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