The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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