I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
