Who wears a wallet chain?!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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