Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
