JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
