You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
