Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
