I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
