not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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