It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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