I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
