We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
