remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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