Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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