are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
