It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
