thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
