If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
