Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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