cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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