It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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