Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
