I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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