We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
