Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
