i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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